


The list of things no normal functioning human would do, but Tony Stark already did.

by Thebookofavenging



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Appendicitis, Avengers Family, Avengers Feels, Avengers Tower, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Clint Barton & Tony Stark Friendship, Domestic Avengers, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Post-Avengers (2012), Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Steve Rogers, Sick Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Team as Family, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2020-10-13 14:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20584217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebookofavenging/pseuds/Thebookofavenging
Summary: Tony Stark knows that there are things he does that he shouldn’t do. In fact Tony knows that most of the things he does, no one else would do.Steve calls it “The list of things no normal functioning human would do, but Tony Stark already did”.The thing about the particular thing he did this time is that even he wants to lecture himself for it. He knows that it has passed the limit for what is crazy and entered the neighbourhood of just plain stupidity -a word he would never choose to use to describe himself- and it is too late to avoid the consequences.





	1. Appendicitis

**Author's Note:**

> The one where Tony has appendicitis.

Tony stark knows that there are things he does that he shouldn’t do. In fact Tony knows that most of the things he does, no one else would do.  
Steve calls it “The list of things no normal functioning human would do, but Tony Stark already did”

“The list” made its appearance shortly after the avengers team started living together and it came to be because it seemed like Tony was just always doing something that is either awesome and/or could cause his extinction -and in other cases maybe humanity’s extinction too- there was no in between. Needless to say the whole thing drove them all crazy (except maybe Clint who honestly would join if he was invited)

The thing is, the list actually flattered Tony’s ego quite a bit, so it did nothing to slow him down in that regard. In fact he thinks he started doing more crazy things since it came to existence than before. They tell him it is because he is probably wired to make their lives a living hell -there’s no heat to it though- so he assumes no one is expecting any actual change.

The thing about the particular thing he did this time is that even he wants to lecture himself for it. He knows that it has passed the limit for what is crazy and entered the neighborhood of just plain stupidity -a word he would never choose to use to describe himself- and it is too late to avoid the consequences.

Because well A) he is already living the consequences, he is already in a fetal position on the floor of his work shop unable to move at all. B)he knows jarvis has already alerted the whole tower about his current predicament and that one of his team members will soon come running down to the workshop and see him in this state and freak out. C)none of them even knows anything about the fact that he has appendicitis.

He didn’t really mean to keep it from them but well he never told them before so why would this time be different besides it is not like he didn’t research it. He has and there were numerous papers that stated that it is totally okay to treat it with antibiotics, and so far it has worked for him. Well yes most of the papers Also stated that it remains a risky bet and that no sane person should do it.  
He was so immersed in his thoughts when he heard footsteps, and people calling his name.

“I’m okay” he mumbled and then felt steve’s hand on his face.

“Tony what happened? What’s wrong with you?” And that was bruce, he would know his voice even if he was in a coma just like he would know steve’s hands.

“He’s burning up” steve said

“It almost never kills people.” And that was him, and he thinks he really shouldn’t have said that.  
  
“What exactly never kills people.” Steve said slowly biting down om every letter.

But tony didn’t have it in him to talk anymore, he really didn’t think appendicitis could hurt that much especially after everything else but mostly he didn’t think he could form coherent words right now.

“Maybe it has already burst.” He mumbles

“Tony, Jarvis has already called for an ambulance but I need you to tell me what happened.” Bruce said

Tony could tell that they were both crouched down next to him and that they both had their hands somewhere on his body. But the pain was blinding, it wasn’t like anything he has ever felt before. He could barely keep himself from screaming and he wasn’t even sure that he could keep that up.  
He tried to mumble appendicitis as best as he could but things were getting hazy and he wasn’t sure if he said anything.  
  
“Damn it.” He heard bruce say  
He found it funny how Bruce seemed mad already, well he was also kind of scared because Bruce doesn’t even know the half of it yet and he is mad, he can only imagine the kind of lecture he is getting when this is over.

He could hear them speaking but he wasn’t really following anymore. He kept his eyes closed throughout, feeling content with hearing their mumbling.

“Shh, tony it is okay.” Steve said in a calm voice while stroking his arm up down which made Tony realize he was moaning in pain.  
  
“Sorry.” He whispered  
  
“It’s okay Tony don’t worry about it, help is on the way just breathe.” Steve said

“Tony, can you tell me how long has this been going on? Jarvis says you have instructed him not to say anything but I need to know.” Bruce said

Now that was the question Tony dreaded the most since the beginning of it all. He would swear that he didn’t intentionally mean to keep it a secret for that long, but the first time he got the twinges of pain was actually months ago. At the time the avengers were busy, like the kind of busy that made staying in a hospital room for a couple of days seem ridiculous. So once he realized what was going on he immediately remembered reading about the antibiotics thing, and at the time it seemed like the right course of action, however, he just couldn’t stop doing it each time it flared up again till apparently it stopped being beneficial at all. He doesn’t really know how to say all that nor does he have the energy to  
.  
“A while, it’s burst.” He says softly

“You are not a doctor Tony, you don’t know that.” Bruce says

“Am so.” He says  
“A medical doctor Tony.” Steve says in a voice that carries the hint of a smile

“potayto, potahto.” tony says and hears them both laugh and he has exactly 4 seconds to be thankful for that voice before everything fades away.


	2. Chapter 2

The thing is, they trust Tony, they really do but not when it comes to his actual well-being. Tony ignores safety protocols, he forgets to eat, he burns himself to the ground every-time he invents something (literally) and he doesn’t sleep like other humans NEED to. And they have tried, they have done all they could to make him more careful and occasionally they are successful, however, it seems like when they fix one end of the equation the other end just crumbles. They make him eat, he doesn’t sleep. They make him sleep, he misses out on food for two days because he won’t wake up. It’s a never ending dilemma and it gets worse the higher the stakes are.

When the list started it was merely a joke, that day Tony had deliberately blown up part of his lab, and when he came out battered and bruised he had smiled sheepishly and said “for science”. They had all been rightfully angry and scared but the way tony smiled about it like he had no care in the world made Steve huff out a stressed laugh and say “nobody does stuff like that.” To which Tony just said “well I do.” Winked and left.

And Steve wanted to lecture, he wanted to yell about protocols and safety but he knew that it was futile; instead he realized that nothing will change Tony Stark, at least not completely. Tony will always be reckless, he will always play outside the lines and they had to accept that. That day Steve decided that they were going to help where they can help, they are going to try their best but the lecturing had to stop. So Steve came up with the list, as a way of acceptance to who Tony is and what that leads to.

Steve went and bought an A4 notebook (because damn it, that’s who he is) and at the center of its first page wrote down “the list of things no human would do, but Tony Stark already did” and then he wrote

1-Blew up his own lab “for science” (probably not the first time)

2-Once stabbed his own foot trying to make a knife that “automatically” targets the bad guys (Clint was not happy)

3- Used himself as a punching bag in our last fight (not sure what his intentions were)

The kitchen then started to fill up as it was time for dinner, and he found Clint towering over him. They exchanged a look then Clint took the pen and added (“Clint is still definitely planning his revenge, because Tony tried to build another him.”) to the second point. This made Steve laugh just as Tony was entering the room.

As soon as tony saw the name of the list he laughed so hard, his stomach hurt and he grabbed the pen and added “(definitely not the first time)” next to the first point.

“I love how you are putting little notes next to each one Stevie, very thoughtful.” Tony said sarcastically.

And as Steve was about to answer Natasha practically stood over him and leaned on the counter to read what was in the note. Her facial expressions did not change but she silently took the pen and scratched the name and wrote down “The list of things no normal functioning human would do, but Tony Stark already did..” Put down the pen and walked away. Steve, Tony and Clint then exchanged a look and gathered around the note to see what she has wrote and as soon as they read it they all laughed.

“yeah that seems more legit.” Clint said then followed her

“I will second that.” Tony said with a smile to which Steve nodded and started laughing again.

Tony patted him on the back and said “I like that, seems like a good way to keep track.”

Steve looked at him with a raised eyebrow to which Tony huffed out a laugh and patted him on the back.

And that was it, the list was born and EVERYONE had something to say. A few days after its birth Bruce added “4- Ate mercury today (because a little mercury never hurt nobody)” to which Tony added “(it really really never does)”. They had a heated debate about it that night and they all agreed they did not need that theory tested. After that Thor added “5- he wanted me to place the hammer on him today to see if his body can hold it, I didn’t but I believe no normal human behaves that way!!!” to which Clint added “(that seems like normal behavior to Clint.)” and scratched Thor original entry which they all ignored.

But in a thousand years, Steve would have never thought that someone could actually have appendicitis and not say anything for days till it actually burst. Steve doesn’t even think he wants to add this particular stunt to the list because it shouldn’t turn into a joke. He wants to lecture and scream and to beg him to please take better care of himself. In fact, Steve wants to grab a hold of the freaking list and burn it.

Steve looks around to the faces around him and he wonders if they are all having similar thoughts. Clint and Natasha are sitting intertwined, Natasha is giving a blank look but he sees the tension around her eyes. Clint is leaning his head backwards and has his eyes closed but Steve knows better than to think he is sleeping. Bruce is looking very calm, but Steve knows that he has trained himself to do that. Bruce had said that when Tony briefly woke up in the emergency room he had incoherently said that he has been treating it with antibiotics for a long time but they didn’t get any further in that.

That confused them the most, how can they have not seen that Tony was sick and how long has he been keeping it a secret? Did he just say that because he was incoherent? Or has he been like that for a few days or even a week? Steve wishes he could know. Keeping Tony in check was his job, well him and Bruce’s, but still he had failed. He and Tony had a stupid petty fight a few days before this in training and when Tony hadn’t shown up for dinner, he assumed Tony was sulking. He had asked Bruce about him but Bruce had said that Tony banished him from the lab until he was finished with that particular project “because of scientific differences that could end our friendship.” Maybe it was because he was sick and didn’t want them to know; maybe he was suffering all that time alone.

Steve doesn’t even remember what the fight was about now and he honestly never thought it would lead to this; he just wanted to give Tony his space for a while so they could both cool down. Honestly, Steve is scared that he might have encouraged this behaviour from Tony. When he made the list it was to accept Tony but maybe it blurred the line between accepting and encouraging. Bruce told him that he should try to calm down and that appendicitis surgery is not that bad, it rupturing might make it a bit more complicated but it is much easier now than it even was just a few years ago.

The fact remains that Tony knew what it was that he had, he knew he was sick and he had kept it from them and he had tried to deal with it alone and Steve was going to make damn sure that this never ever happens again to Tony or anyone in his family.


	3. Chapter 3

Clint knew Tony was going to be fine. Bruce told them, but he already knew anyway. Tony also probably thought that he was going to be fine.

Clint trusted Tony more than the others did, he knew that too. The others saw Tony as reckless, but Clint knew what Tony actually justifies as a risk, and most of the time it is a calculated science. Clint doesn’t know much about science, but he knew much about Tony.

Does he go too far sometimes? Yes. Does he put himself in situations that could be avoided? Absolutely. But Clint trusts him anyway. The team say that they are both the same when it comes to recklessness but that’s not true. Clint makes it seem like he would jump head first into any stupid situation just because, but that’s all noise. Clint knew that being an avenger meant risking your life but that’s it. He did not carry that same mantra when it came to his everyday life, unlike Tony. Tony acts like he’s made of iron, instead of just wearing it. Cling would joke about wanting Thor to place the hammer on him, but would he actually go through with it? Hell no. If they were in a battle, however, he would put a dagger through his heart if that’s what it took.

The fact is Clint not only trusted Tony more than the others did, he also trusted him the most out of all them. And it wasn’t a “during a battle thing”. No he trusted him as an actual friend. When Clint is going through something, Steve switches into mother-hen/captain mood, he wants to sit and talk and make sure that he is leaving Clint in a better state of mind. Clint loves and appreciates it, however, he doesn’t know how to deal with it sometimes.

On the other hand, Tony is very subtle. He would pat Clint on the back whenever he would see him sad. he would brush elbows with him in the hallway (Clint takes it as a“I am here for you”gesture). He would make him weird food combinations. He would ask him to play video games or just takes him into the lab and show him things that he’s working on for his arrows. Until somehow Clint finally broke and just told him everything. Tony would sit and listen for hours, he wouldn’t give advice or judge or do anything really other than listen. When they were done, Clint was always ready to go to Steve to you know actually get some advice on the matter. Every-time he thinks they must have planned it but he lets himself fall for it anyway.

Clint also trusted Tony to understand him the most. Because while they were not identical, they do have things in common. They were the no judgements clan. They were the crazy fun clan (along with Thor when he wanted to). They were the “we never really dealt with our past traumas” clan. They were the forever witty clan. And Clint was sure he was trusted by Tony too.

He was positive that Tony trusted that Clint understood him the most. When Tony went crazy, Clint knew he doesn’t expect him to yell or lecture him, he doesn’t expect Clint to talk about it at all. And it is true.

Not that all the others lectured, but it is just that Tony knew that Clint’s silent was that of understanding. Bruce’s silent was because he did not want to become angry. Natasha, Tony assumed was always judging him (because of what she said on that damned report.) and Thor would space out anyway and not listen to what anyone is saying because one of the movies he never saw before was playing. And Steve was never silent, well, at least before he started the list.

Clint thinks that the list was one of the most beautiful gifts Steve could have given Tony, acceptance. Steve, however, is currently freaking out thinking he made Tony worse off. Clint did not want to speak for Tony but he knew better. Steve and Tony really became a unit after the list. On and off battles they just connected more than before. Clint knows that Tony finally felt trusted, seen, and oddly respected by the team after that list.

And yes maybe they shouldn’t exactly add “the time that Tony got appendicitis and almost killed himself” to the list but they shouldn’t burn it too.

Also well if they were going to start not adding things  
Maybe they should also take out “7- decided he was going to jump into the freezing pool even though they all knew he hated being in the water.”  
That day Tony got a panic attack too bad that they got him out of the water, and spent two hours calming him down and making him warm.  
And that freaking idiot added it to the list himself. He did also draw little people hugging and wrote thank you next to it. Which is why no one had the heart to scratch it out, but still.

Bruce said that Jarvis showed him the medical journals Tony based his decision on. So well again, calculated scientific risk here. And yes, maybe Clint doesn’t understand Tony’s intention behind it, be he is sure he’s got one.

Does it scare him? Yes. Tony’s choices scares him all the time, of-course they do. He loves tony and he would very much like him not to blow himself up. But does he think he has any say in the matter? No. Does he think they would be able to change Tony? No, and he doesn’t even want to think that Tony needs to change. He doesn’t want to think that Tony is some machine that they need to fix.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve was not speaking with Tony. Well no, he spoke but things like

“Do you need your pillow adjusted?”

“Would you like some more water?

“Are you in pain?

He wasn’t saying anything about the whole “Tony almost dying” thing. He wasn’t lecturing, he wasn’t going crazy. And Tony spent his days anticipating when Steve will just be Steve but it never came.

Granted, Steve did become better about the whole lecturing thing after he made up the list anyway. But this was different, all the other times Steve had no problem speaking of whatever Tony did. He would make fun of it all through movie night. He would jokingly tell him other ways he could have acted to avoid whatever situation he had gotten himself into. He would pat Tony on the back, huff out a laugh and spend the rest of the day hovering around him.

But now he was just hovering, and his face was sullen and sad. He had his kicked puppy expression plastered on his face, and it was just unsettling.

Tony wanted to ask but he also did not want to be the person who asked for his own funeral. He sometimes thinks that maybe something else had happened while he was unconscious. But he is pretty sure no one has died because almost everyone he knows was in his room at one point or another, even Fury. Maybe he said something while he was sleeping that hurt Steve, but he honestly cannot think of one bad thing he could say about Steve.

This morning, Clint was the one occupying the chair next to his bed. And when he asked him about Steve he just kind of gave a blank look and said Steve will talk about it when he’s ready. This is usually fine with Tony but not when Steve was looking like one of his family members died. 

Tony knows that Steve must be angry with him; he knows Steve must be going crazy thinking about how he couldn’t detect it. Honestly, Tony was angry with himself too. He went too far, he kept it from them and laying on the hospital bed now he struggled to see the point. He is sure he had one, at the time at least. He is sure the avengers really did need him, and that he really couldn’t spare even one moment. But how everything unfolded makes him feel like maybe he could have.

Steve is hovering around him again. He switched with Clint half an hour ago and he asked his usual questions, brought Tony water, then sat on the chair ad started sketching. They bought Tony a tablet a few days ago because he insisted that there are things he needed to get done. Things he should be working on instead of staring creepily at Steve.

“Are you going to just spend your time staring at me like that?” Steve asked without looking up, startling Tony out of his thoughts.

“I don’t know, are you going to keep ignoring me?” Tony said in a playful tone after composing himself.

“I am not ignoring you tony, I am drawing. This is a good time to draw you since you are staying still for a change.” Steve said way too seriously for a sentence that should be sarcastic

“Oh please, you have not even looked at me once since you started sketching.” Tony whined

“I did look at you. I do not need to stare at you, I just take quick glances.” Steve said dryly

Tony really did not want to learn about the technicalities of drawing. In fact he did not even know that Steve was drawing him at all but it is nice to know that Steve is not thinking about never wanting to see him again.

“Steve, look at me.” Tony said in his very serious tone which somehow came out sounding like a five year old asking for his parent.

Steve slowly looked up to Tony, and suddenly these piercing blue eyes were all Tony could see. And the heartbroken expression that was too evident in them broke Tony’s heart a little bit too.

It took Tony a few second to recompose himself and form what he thought was a coherent sentence.

“Is this because I almost killed myself? Because you know Steve I practically do that once a week. It’s no big deal.” Tony said way too quickly. He knew this could provoke Steve to just say what he wants, instead Steve lowered his head back and started sketching again.

“I don’t want to talk about this while you are in a hospital bed Tony.” Steve said in a hushed tone.

Tony huffed out a breath and stayed silent, it looked like this time he was not going to get his way with Steve. Hell even Bruce yelled already. Bruce, who never ever yelled before, did. Other times he would usually talk to Tony about how stupid he was while wearing his usual shy smile and working in the lab. This time Tony had barely woken up when Bruce started telling at him about how crazy he was. He was so angry that all of a sudden Natasha held his hands and silently just walked out him out of the room, leaving Tony confused.

Clint was silent as usual, he came when it was his shift to play nurse, they sat, they talked about nonsense and they thought of new ways they could make the rest of the avengers’ lives a living hell. Natasha usually sat next to him and read stories to him, which she knew he secretly liked. But she did tell him she thinks he is an idiot, which he already knew she thought anyway. She does stroke his hair sometimes though so she can tell him he’s an idiot anytime she wants. Thor made appearances too usually with some kind of board game because, and Tony quotes “they forbade me to bring video games because you shouldn’t get too excited”.

He is sure they are all a little angry, or at least they were. They were probably scared too, because this time Tony didn’t just pop up after a crisis, flashed his charming smile and they all acted like nothing happened. This time he really did spend a week fighting for his life in the ICU, and he was spending another week in the tower’s med bay, and hell it wasn’t worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment below if you like it or if you don't and also If you have anything to add or correct.  
P.S I love getting Kudos  
Thank you


End file.
